4 Irrefutable Truths (part one)

Out of all my knowledge, I carry 4 irrefutable truths. Today, I give half of them to you. These are 2 facts that cannot be argued. Most of the things I know are open to discussion and I will listen to all sides of the story, but for theses next 2FACTS, there is no discussion needed. I now present to you 2 irrefutable truths.

1. Poison by Bel Biv Devoe is the single greatest piece of music crafted by anyone or anything that has ever resided on the planet earth. This includes all genres of music. If you just took the START of the song, like from the “I’m ready Slick..are You?” to “Girl I muuuuuuuuuust warn you” and stopped the song there, it is still better than 95% of all music out there. Then you factor in the rest of the song, it isn’t even close.

Don’t talk to me about any classical music either. I know that guys like Mozart and Beethoven crafted some timeless music. But, honestly, PLEASE anyone point out when Mozart’s or Beethoven’s music ever got you hyper than when Michael Bivin’s says “Yo Slick…Blow”, THEN the beat changes and all you hear is “Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit’s driving meeeee out of myyy mind.”

I might as well move on, because this isn’t even close.

2. Fedor is the toughest man to ever live. I am very tempted to leave it at that and not explain why. First off he is Russian. I saw this documentary once where this Russian dude fought a former American champion in boxing and he killed him. Then the friend of that champion, also a boxer, vowed to get his revenge and decided to fight him. I never saw the ending but I assume the Russian killed him too. So Fedor has that mystique going for him.

Secondly, martial arts are constantly evolving; through tireless competitions we have realized what kind of fighting will be most effective. Well currently in these competitions NO ONE has had more success that Fedor. He is 29-1. The one loss doesn’t count because it was due to a stupid rule. Thus, he is undefeated. He destroys people constantly. I have heard he hunts grizzly bears with nothing but his bare hands. Rumour has it that Chuck Norris once tried to roundhouse kick Fedor, the kick bounced harmlessly off Fedor’s chin. Word has it; Fedor only let him live because he is a huge Walker Texas Ranger fan.

Now some people might think Fedor’s fighting experience is limited in the respect to the size of people he has fought. Like he is protected by the weight classes in Mixed Martial Arts or something. Let me grab some names and sizes at random. He destroyed Tim Sylvia in 36 seconds; Sylvia is 6’8” 260lbs. He beat Semmy Schilt – 6’11” 256lbs and he also holds a first round victory over Hong Man Choi who is 7’2” 352lbs.

I could spend 5 days worth of blog posting, listing his accomplishments. Fact is he is unbeatable. He would destroy Bruce Lee, he would destroy Mike Tyson, and he would even destroy that dude from Bloodsport who fought like a monkey and could break coconuts with his karate chops.

Hopefully tomorrow I will change your life with the final 2 irrefutable truths.

  • Carley

    What happened to part two Ted? You are leaving us in suspense!

  • Anonymous

    mmyeeeeaaaahhhh TED

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