Fear

Fear.

I have a couple fears. I would say I have an average amount of fears. No idea what an average amount is though.

Heights scare me. That might be my most irrational fear. Even standing on the balcony of a high rise apartment freaks me out. I will not stand near the edge at all. I guess it isn’t a fear I really need to conquer though. I just can’t do any jobs that require me climbing real high. I’ll be honest, I don’t really see myself as an ideal candidate for jobs that require climbing and/or some form of agility.

It is a real honest fear though, like it can almost be crippling at times. I have no problem on rollercoasters or planes or anything; it is just when I am not strapped securely to something that I am a little wary.

I could probably argue I don’t have a fear of heights at all. I have more of a fear of falling from those heights. I can take it even one step further actually; I have a fear of landing from falling from heights. So really heights aren’t my fear, it is landing. I don’t really see anything irrational about that.

Speaking of fear, I had to conquer a lot of fear when I went to the gym for the first time. A lot of it was based in worry over looking like a buffoon. I sucked it up though, and once I went, realized those fears were unwarranted.

Now you want to talk about warranted fears? My brother and I decided to spend a month at a cabin my family owns in the Ottawa Valley. We aren’t exactly “city boys” but this particular cabin was quite a bit different than what we were used to. First off it was in the middle of nowhere. Secondly, people had died in a fire there years ago and lastly there was no running water or electricity. Yes, I am very aware that horror movies have made millions off plots less fleshed out than that.

Things get off to a rough start the very first night. My sister drops us off and leaves us alone at this cabin. We have a lantern for light and a radio for amusement. The first thing we notice is a HUGE spider inside. A “wood spider” as the locals call them. It was huge, like honestly tarantula size. I am sure that it is exaggerated in my mind, but it was easily the largest spider I have ever seen. We were able to band together and take care of this first fear. We put our heads together and…yelled for my sister who was thankfully not out of the driveway yet. Crisis averted. She dealt with the spider.

After she left and we were really alone, my brother asked me a question, “You think we could make a movie about our time up here?” I kind of laughed it off and told him there would be nothing interesting enough happening this month. As soon as the words left my lips, there was an unholy rendering of the nights quiet. It sounded as if all the world’s spiders were uniting for their fallen comrade and were marching across our roof, at a speed no spider has ever reached. I don’t think I have ever been more scared than that instant. My brother and I, we decided to go to bed right then, and try to forget about the noise on the roof.

When we woke in the morning, we were still a little freaked out. We were laughing about our insane fears though, when once again we heard the noise! The sunlight must have warmed us into bravery, because instead of cowering we rushed out to confront what must be a spider army. It was nothing more than two squirrels fighting. Two harmless squirrels fighting over who knows what.

So now every time I have some fear holding me back, I take a minute to really let things sink in. Like will going to the gym be just a horrible experience…or is it nothing more than two squirrels fighting on a tin a roof?



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