It is weird.

A couple months ago nothing was worse to me than the thought of going to a gym.

Even after I started going, I would make sure to go when it was nearly empty.

I don’t have that fear at all anymore. I feel that I could go into any gym I the world and feel comfortable working out. Obviously there are some gyms with serious lifters and athletes. I wouldn’t be too thrilled about going there, but a normal everyday gym…no problem.

I used to never go to the YMCA – way too many people, way too busy. I would have no problem going there now if I was at a friend’s place and he wanted to go to the gym. I wouldn’t have said that three months ago, that is for sure.

Fear is funny that way. I use the term fear kind of loosely, I wasn’t afraid of the gym like I am afraid of junebugs. There were just so many reasons NOT to go the gym every time I thought about it.

Even when I sit down to write these measly five hundred words I feel trepidation. I think about all the reasons not to write. Most come down to the fact I don’t have any topics I think worthy of writing about. My mind really does play tricks on me like that.

Here is an example.

When I was in grade school I was a speech master. We had public speaking competitions every year. You would compete in your class, then your grade and then the school.

In Grade 5, I was my class rep and would have competed for the grade, except I got sick. In Grade 6, I again won the class rep position and went on to compete for my grade. Unfortunately, that was as far as I got. In Grade 7, I once again won my class, went on to the grade and won that and then gave my speech to the entire school.

I had high expectations for the next year. I remember the day we started our speeches, I thought of at least a dozen topics. I started writing a speech on each of them, only to realize I hated the intro so i would start again with a different topic. I probably ended up writing out about 6 full speeches and they just didn’t live up to my expectations.

I didn’t even give them a chance, my mind convinced me they weren’t good enough and I would look like a fool. Well the weeks until the competition came and went. I never ever was able to choose a topic. I can’t remember what I eventually chose, but the night before the class competition I wrote some speech. I didn’t have time to memorize it and the next day I pretty much embarrassed myself with my worst speech ever.

That moment also soured me on public speaking. The worst part is that if I had just chosen a subject and not let my mind run wild, I would have probably been able to put together a pretty great speech. I know I was capable of it, which was proven the years before.

It all came down to my mind and how little control I had over it that is why I totally support and recommend personal development materials. Hey teach you how your mind works and how to work with your mind to get what you want. I really wish they taught it in school. Would have saved me a lot of time.

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